Role Models

About a month ago, in one of my classes we had a guest speaker present to the class. He was a local couple's therapist who shared information about his clients, his practice and his theories. He told us he is often asked "What makes a successful couple?". I am sure many people out there have the same question and I liked his answer. He says:


"A successful couple gets through the good and bad times together."


We all deal with conflict differently and I've learned that if you sit around listening long enough, people usually have a good reason for why they do the things they do. When it comes to turmoil there are the avoiders, the screamers, the talkers, the judgers, the pacifiers, the stonewallers, the excusers, the confusers...the list goes on and on. We all have our own unique ways of dealing with conflict and conflict management skills are crucial in a marriage. After all, as my guest speaker says, "any marriage a week old has ground for divorce".


In my family, I sometimes feel that marriage is not valued or commended in the way it is in some families. Two of my friends are getting married and their families reacted to the news with such joy and seriousness. The committment they are making is recognized as exciting but also as something very real and important to the entire family system. That's not to say that my family isn't excited by marriage or that they don't take it seriously but to be honest, I don't have a whole lot of successful examples of marriage in my life. But where we lack in quantity we make up for in quality...


Today is my grandparents 43rd wedding anniversary. 43 years! That is amazing. And I would like to take the time to commend them. What a wonderful accomplishment!


When I describe my grandparents to other people I use one specific example, which, of course, my grandma hates.



You know Frank and Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond? Yep...that's them. My grandma doesn't think this is a compliment, she actually finds it quite insulting. But I like it. And I'm always right. ;)


In reality, I use the example of Frank and Marie because they are similar to my grandparents in several ways; both couples tell eachother exactly what they are thinking without fear of judgement or abandonment, both couples bicker enough to get their frustrations out so that they can move on to enjoying eachother's company (cheers to conflict resolution), both couples care about their family more then they care about themselves, both couples look alike (seriously, they do), and both couples know their spouse so well it is truly like they are two parts to the same whole.


My grandma also yells "Jer!" just like Marie yells "Frank" but that's neither here nor there.


Anyways, what I want to say is that I am really proud of my grandparents and their marriage. I deem it quite a success. Their committment is inspiring and they are wonderful role models, as individuals and as a couple. Congratulations grandma and grandpa! I love you!


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO


PS. My grandma gets really upset if you write her something and don't put hugs and kisses.


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO