Closure

As of right now I have one final left of my junior year of college.

I have boxes ready to move out of my last dorm room ever.

Can I get an amen?

AMEN.

I've mentioned my Intro to Counseling class before, and about a month ago my professor told us to start thinking about and discussing closure.

Closure. Huh? Well, that's a thinker. I thought closure was only obtained once you've eaten a box of chocolates over The Notebook and had a bonfire of your ex's pictures. Maybe I'm mistaken?

Are you breaking up with me or something?

I will always remember my classmate saying, "So, I get the closure thing, but, umm, what are we supposed to do?"

"Bring it up, bring it forward."

What a Psych answer: talk about it.

In trying to close up shop within my class, I've thought about the concept much more. I'm realizing that our culture doesn't know how to deal with closure. We don't deal with good-bye's.

We've all heard the phrases "I'm turning a new leaf...or a new page...or I'm starting a new chapter". What if we weren't comfortable leaving that last chapter or that last page? What if we weren't finished?

What happens at the end of the book?

The last few years of my life have been an endless cycle of transitions. I go home, I go to school, I go to my grandparents, I work in the office, I work at home, I end this semester and start that one and things rarely seem set in stone. I'm an chameleon. I change according to my current environment. But I am not sure I feel according to my current environment.

Do chameleon feel blue when they turn blue? Do they notice the change? Or do they just go through their lives, changing, and never paying homage to the places they've been and the way their environment has impacted them?

Do we recognize how change affects us? Maybe it wouldn't be so scary if we dealt with the emotions around it. If we worked through things.

I guess what I want to do is take a moment and bring it up and bring it forward.

I'm closing another year, and it has had an unique affect, even if I've done it before.

Junior year meant:

~Applying for graduation, then changing my mind. Really starting to think about what I want to do for forever, scary process but I am considering what is important to me and what isn't, which is a good thing.

~Going to Europe to visit best friends who I miss terribly. I still can't believe that we even went sometimes. As a result I have a serious travel bug.

~Moving out of a dorm, to a world of rent; and loving the concept. Check back with me when I actually start writing checks.

~Living with my grandparents and setting up a new home base at their home. Similar to living on the set of Everybody Loves Raymond.

~Turning 21, ordering a daiquiri and deciding it's not just the concept of alcohol I don't like, but the taste.

~Dedicating myself to actually reading all my school books and almost killing myself in the process. I'm an excellent overworker.

This year has meant many things. Lots of changes and new experiences. And it's over.

Ka-put. The end. Closed.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I am noticing the end and anticipating the beginning of something new.

See ya in summer!