Role Models

About a month ago, in one of my classes we had a guest speaker present to the class. He was a local couple's therapist who shared information about his clients, his practice and his theories. He told us he is often asked "What makes a successful couple?". I am sure many people out there have the same question and I liked his answer. He says:


"A successful couple gets through the good and bad times together."


We all deal with conflict differently and I've learned that if you sit around listening long enough, people usually have a good reason for why they do the things they do. When it comes to turmoil there are the avoiders, the screamers, the talkers, the judgers, the pacifiers, the stonewallers, the excusers, the confusers...the list goes on and on. We all have our own unique ways of dealing with conflict and conflict management skills are crucial in a marriage. After all, as my guest speaker says, "any marriage a week old has ground for divorce".


In my family, I sometimes feel that marriage is not valued or commended in the way it is in some families. Two of my friends are getting married and their families reacted to the news with such joy and seriousness. The committment they are making is recognized as exciting but also as something very real and important to the entire family system. That's not to say that my family isn't excited by marriage or that they don't take it seriously but to be honest, I don't have a whole lot of successful examples of marriage in my life. But where we lack in quantity we make up for in quality...


Today is my grandparents 43rd wedding anniversary. 43 years! That is amazing. And I would like to take the time to commend them. What a wonderful accomplishment!


When I describe my grandparents to other people I use one specific example, which, of course, my grandma hates.



You know Frank and Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond? Yep...that's them. My grandma doesn't think this is a compliment, she actually finds it quite insulting. But I like it. And I'm always right. ;)


In reality, I use the example of Frank and Marie because they are similar to my grandparents in several ways; both couples tell eachother exactly what they are thinking without fear of judgement or abandonment, both couples bicker enough to get their frustrations out so that they can move on to enjoying eachother's company (cheers to conflict resolution), both couples care about their family more then they care about themselves, both couples look alike (seriously, they do), and both couples know their spouse so well it is truly like they are two parts to the same whole.


My grandma also yells "Jer!" just like Marie yells "Frank" but that's neither here nor there.


Anyways, what I want to say is that I am really proud of my grandparents and their marriage. I deem it quite a success. Their committment is inspiring and they are wonderful role models, as individuals and as a couple. Congratulations grandma and grandpa! I love you!


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO


PS. My grandma gets really upset if you write her something and don't put hugs and kisses.


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"The Youts Of Today" As My Grandpa Would Say

What is up with the youts of today?

They can't answer you right now, they are busy.

I have noticed a trend among my peers lately. We are overworked, overstressed and over it. This semester I really took part in my classes and made some new friends. Of my new friends it seems to me that those of us who are working, are WORKING. And those who aren't, AREN'T.

For example, one of my friends literally sat down with me crying, saying that she was losing all of her friends because her job was so demanding of her she didn't have time for anyone else. I too, feel like I have lost friends for the same reason.

If I total up the amount of time I spent in class this semester, as well as weekly meetings for class and time working my job that amounts to about 50 hours a week. 50 hours a week without homework! Basically I work a 60 hour week between school and work.

I am burnt out and I am 21. That's alarming.

So many of my friends say they don't feel like they are living their lives. They don't feel connected the the people and things around them. They want to spend some time outdoors.

My friends who are pleased with their lives either live off of mom and dad's dime or they don't live in this country.

It's sad, but true.

Your twenties are supposed to be a time in your life when you can do it up big...and we are.

Big jobs, big debt, big responsibilities...and we do it all for a reason.

Big dreams.

But, man! It's exhausting...

Todays Adventures

Today Cody and I went out to Crane Creek Regional Park which is a part of the Sonoma County Regional Park system for some trail walkin'. We had an awesome time!


To me this picture is Sonoma County, this is what I think of when I think Sonoma. :)


The open road...and pretty grass.


This is the bridge where my life almost ended.

Because it was covered in these things...

As was the rest of the trail. Cody was intent on catching one. It was horrifying. I screamed and ran. He laughed. It was all quite traumatizing.

I had to take photos of the little bubbling stream to calm myself.

While Cody stalked the little buggers shouting that if Anthony was here Anthony would catch them with him. So invite Anthony. Dur.

Meanwhile I took photos of the Spanish Moss. I love Spanish Moss. I also love this tree.

And I love Cody. Although the jury is still out on whether or not he loves the lizards more then me.

Here's Cody, admiring the views. And mooing at the cows. He does that. I love him anyways.

On a completely different topic: there were all these weird cagey things all over and groups of boys with frisbees and Cody explained that they were playing "Frisbee Golf". Who knew such things existed in our world?

Check out my bokah. =) I love barbed wire.

I also love this cow. Isn't he precious?

He was hiding...not very well.
Check out this bee. And check out this huge, prickly weed. I stayed as far away from both as possible.

Cody leading the way, finding peace among nature.

Today was fun!

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

Oh Dear, I want this kitty.


Look how small and precioso!

I live in a world of temptation. It is quite frustrating!

Closure

As of right now I have one final left of my junior year of college.

I have boxes ready to move out of my last dorm room ever.

Can I get an amen?

AMEN.

I've mentioned my Intro to Counseling class before, and about a month ago my professor told us to start thinking about and discussing closure.

Closure. Huh? Well, that's a thinker. I thought closure was only obtained once you've eaten a box of chocolates over The Notebook and had a bonfire of your ex's pictures. Maybe I'm mistaken?

Are you breaking up with me or something?

I will always remember my classmate saying, "So, I get the closure thing, but, umm, what are we supposed to do?"

"Bring it up, bring it forward."

What a Psych answer: talk about it.

In trying to close up shop within my class, I've thought about the concept much more. I'm realizing that our culture doesn't know how to deal with closure. We don't deal with good-bye's.

We've all heard the phrases "I'm turning a new leaf...or a new page...or I'm starting a new chapter". What if we weren't comfortable leaving that last chapter or that last page? What if we weren't finished?

What happens at the end of the book?

The last few years of my life have been an endless cycle of transitions. I go home, I go to school, I go to my grandparents, I work in the office, I work at home, I end this semester and start that one and things rarely seem set in stone. I'm an chameleon. I change according to my current environment. But I am not sure I feel according to my current environment.

Do chameleon feel blue when they turn blue? Do they notice the change? Or do they just go through their lives, changing, and never paying homage to the places they've been and the way their environment has impacted them?

Do we recognize how change affects us? Maybe it wouldn't be so scary if we dealt with the emotions around it. If we worked through things.

I guess what I want to do is take a moment and bring it up and bring it forward.

I'm closing another year, and it has had an unique affect, even if I've done it before.

Junior year meant:

~Applying for graduation, then changing my mind. Really starting to think about what I want to do for forever, scary process but I am considering what is important to me and what isn't, which is a good thing.

~Going to Europe to visit best friends who I miss terribly. I still can't believe that we even went sometimes. As a result I have a serious travel bug.

~Moving out of a dorm, to a world of rent; and loving the concept. Check back with me when I actually start writing checks.

~Living with my grandparents and setting up a new home base at their home. Similar to living on the set of Everybody Loves Raymond.

~Turning 21, ordering a daiquiri and deciding it's not just the concept of alcohol I don't like, but the taste.

~Dedicating myself to actually reading all my school books and almost killing myself in the process. I'm an excellent overworker.

This year has meant many things. Lots of changes and new experiences. And it's over.

Ka-put. The end. Closed.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I am noticing the end and anticipating the beginning of something new.

See ya in summer!

This Week Is A Toughy

Last night Cody gave me a hug and said:


"I love you so much."


I looked in his eyes, took a deep breath, and said:


"I have mixed feelings about you."

It's been one of those weeks.

Feeling The Echo

I am feeling a bit lonely on this here blog.

Hello!

Hello!??

Is there anybody 0ut there??

Hello!!??

So if you read this, even if you think it sucks, please let me know that you're out there.

Shhankss! And while your thanking me for my ingenious blog, go get yourself a Madeleine...

Because boy are they deeee-rish-ious!! I like to nibble on them and pretend I am French...

Regarde-moi manger ce madeleine, c'est delicieux!

Food Inc.

I was avoiding the documentary Food, Inc. for awhile; I knew it would be disgusting, horrifying and revolting. I knew it would likely make me hate my government and big business. I knew it would leave me with outraged questions, ready to hop a plane to D.C. and start lobbying my ass off.

It didn't disappoint.

Please watch this film. Encourage the ones you love to watch this film. Buy local, make an educated vote and TP the White House. And if my words aren't enough to encourage you to do so; here is some information from their site to freak you out...you know, in a good way.

"Approximately 10 billion animals (chickens, cattle, hogs, ducks, turkeys, lambs, and sheep) are raised and killed in the US annually. Nearly all of them are raised on factory farms under inhumane conditions. These industrial farms are also dangerous for their workers, pollute surrounding communities, are unsafe to our food system and contribute significantly to global warming."

"In Food, Inc. we meet Barbara Kowalcyk, whose 2 year old son, Kevin, died from E.Coli poisoning after eating a hamburger. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 76 million Americans are sickened, 325,000 are hospitalized and 5,000 die each year from foodborne illnesses. Although Kevin's law is not in Congress right now, there are other important national food safety legislation pending now for you to support."

"Did you know that the average food product travels about 1,500 miles to get to your grocery store. And that transporting food accounts for 30,800 tons of greenhouse gas emissions every year?"

"In January 2008, the FDA approved the sale of meat and milk from cloned livestock, despite the fact that Congress voted twice in 2007 to delay FDA's decision on cloned animals until additional safety and economic studies could be completed."

For more information please rent the movie or visit their website at the following link:
http://www.foodincmovie.com/

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

When Friends first went on the air a critic claimed the show had "no sex and bad jobs". Interesting because in episode one Monica sleeps with someone on the first date and we all know that paleontologist is the best job on the planet...right? In another interview the writers said that they wanted to write a series about your late twenties, "a time in your life when your friends are your family".


College has been a true experience. It wasn't until last year that I really experienced what the writers were talking about though. Last year I was blessed with the kind of friends that could act as my support system and family. I could walk in the front door and they would know what kind of mood I was in, and on top of that, all I would have to do is say one word and they knew what was wrong or right in my world at any given time. Those sorts of people are special.

I know that when I reflect on my college experience, that will be the year I think of. I will always remember dinner parties with friends; debating politics, religion and current events with other educated individuals who may have different opinions but always have respect. Making enough food to feed a village and staying up into the night without t.v. on, just celebrating our relationships.



I'll remember Jordan teaching me about the history of mankind and anthropology; and complaining about the 20 textbooks she had to read that semester. I'll remember Hillary shoving me out of the way so that she could do the dishes, even though she already made dinner. I'll remember Corynn wearing shawls and dresses of every color, sitting on the floor, pleading with Cody to make pumpkin pie. I'll remember Sean thanking me for feeding him and knowing that his thanks were genuine. I'll remember Joe bringing me pictures of his life in Etna, just so he could tell me stories about how he lives his life. I'll remember Cody grabbing the cookie dough bowl and mixing it for me when he knows I have another billion things on my mind.


So they may not be Joey, Chandler, Ross, Pheobe, Rachael or Monica, but I'll take them.

Because as much as I love the Friends gang....

I love my friends gang more.

Too often we forget about what matters in life, we forget to appreciate the people who make our lives great. The bottom line is my work won't bring me soup when I'm sick, my homework won't hold my hand when I cry and my busy schedule won't ever be enough for me. Humans need interaction, we are biologically programmed for loving relationships. I have many of them in my life. And I need to remember to be thankful for those people.

We All Do.

The Case Of The Light Bulb

This weekend I started packing. Granted it was only three boxes and a bookshelf but still, it's packing. We have four weeks left in the semester but I typically start packing at about this time. It makes it easier all the way around. It makes me feel accomplished.

Anyways, as I am packing I decide that one of my lamps can head to the storage unit. I love the lights in my room but I haven't been able to use said light because...well, because I am stubborn.

Let's reflect shall we?

Let's journey back in time several (several!) months. It was a time of sadness and depression and many tears on my part...I forget what my problem was but for whatever reason it was a hard week. Anywho, so there I am having a hard week. All I want to do is get home after trudging my feet through the snow, uphill, both ways, to get to my dorm so I can turn on a light and have some peace.

As fate would have it, as I walk in my room, a flurry of snowflakes dusting off my coat and reach for the light...it decides to die on me.

Right there, publicly. With a bright flash of light that bulb decided it had enough and the whole world went dark. I felt it's absence deeply...until I found my way to my other light which was noble enough not to fail me in the midst of my bad week.

I am dealing with my feelings of betrayal in therapy, thanks for your concern.

Anyways, so there I am, bad week, one light, feeling a bit blue.

Enter Cody.

Said through hysterical sobs..."can you...please...get me a new light bulb???"

Cody responds, (likely thinking to himself "geez if all I have to do is buy a light bulb to make this madness stop count me in!"), "Yes, I will get you a new light bulb".

And here I sit, packing my lamp, months later, bulb-less.

So why didn't I just buy my own dang light bulb? My reasons are three-fold:

a) Some might claim I have a stubborn nature. I am not convinced but whatever.

b) In my mind, changing the light bulb is a boy job (interesting as I changed the light bulbs growing up in our house) and for a psych major I held on to this gender stereotype with passion, clinging to it and casting myself as a helpless girl who couldn't possibly know what to do with a light bulb. It was Cody's job. So he should do it (even if that made me a total idiot).

c) It gave me some leverage in arguments where I realllly wanted Cody to do something. For example: When I say, "Cody dear, can you please help me tonight by making dinner?" he would respond with "Sure, I can do that for you" and then if I didn't believe him I could snap back with "YEA LIKE YOU FIXED THE LIGHT BULB???"

Maturity is one of my highest attributes. Anyways, so I used the whole light bulb bit on Cody the other day and finally, he snapped.

When he stopped by later he came in beaming...light bulb in hand.

The very day that I decide to pack the lamp up is the day the...light goes off in his head.

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.

So I kindly tell him that I planned on packing the light up and I appreciate the bulb but I am going to have to just pack that up too.

On a high from his genius...he begins unwrapping the bulb and declares that it can just sit in the lamp until we unpack this summer.

Rational, as always, I say, and I quote: "What if it breaks?"

As I say this Cody pops open the shrink wrapping with a bit too much force and the bulb slips out and lands on my floor...shattering into a million pieces. Into my carpet.

My life is ironical.

The end.