Fret Not, I'm Just Having An Episode Here.

Sometimes I really, really, hate being a Psych major. Today, for example, I really, really hate being a Psych major. It is not a typical major. The Global Studies department doesn't ask you about your early childhood and your Mathematics professor doesn't want to know about the emotional scarring your parents inflicted on you. They just don't.

My professors do. Normally, not a very big deal for me. Normally. Today, for example, it was a big deal for me.

One of my professors is my personal hero. I could not adore her more. She is incredibly gifted in her work and has been through traumas I can't even describe. She's inspiring.

As I said, she is gifted. Incredibly gifted. She can peg you in two seconds. She pegged me in two seconds.

(Whimper)

My apologies, I was just reliving it.

Anyways, in my class with this professor we have separated into groups and we meet with our groups and play counselor. Over the semester we meet in 24 sessions in different roles, counselor, client and witness. Then we have a supervision meeting. Naturally you are all aware that all good therapists have supervisors and speak to them regularly.

The supervision meeting is with my professor and we talk about how things are going. Obviously I cannot discuss the gritty details here because as you all know, all good therapists practice the strictest rules of confidentiality and I have heard that the Internet isn't actually all that private.

But, I can tell you about my experience.

As the client, I find myself holding back. I hear my group members speak every week so I know what makes them tick and what things they like and as a result of this knowledge, I hold back.

I don't talk about anything confrontational or oppositional to their views, I don't discuss anything real.

As I am eloquently stumbling my way through this explanation, my professor looks at me sitting there wiggling, uncomfortable, messy and says:

"I can see you holding back now...what's that about?"

Ugh, I thought. Suddenly feeling like I was pinned exactly where I sat. "Iono" I mumbled. Very intelligent response, I know.

Normal people let people go when they are sitting there squirming. Psychologists, the good ones, don't. So she kept staring, and I kept squirming and then she says:

"So, what is it that makes them more important then you."

Oh crap, I thought. And just in case my psyche didn't fully process it the first time, the sentence went echoing through my brain, screaming at me.

"So, what is it that makes them more important then you."
"So, what is it that makes them more important then you."
"So, what is it..."

So there I sat, can open...worms everywhere. Completely stuck. My brilliant response was: "Yeeaa."

She let me off the hook then and of course, as a Psych major I couldn't do what most of Small Town America would do with this uncomfortable realization and tuck it away to repress for a lifetime. I had to let it marinate. Through eight hours of class. And as it marinated, I thought, well, she's right, of course.

I do put other people first. I put an incredible amount of time and energy into making sure other people aren't upset. We call it "the tendency to co". A therapist who...well I was going to say "A therapist who co's sucks" but then I realized there are no co therapists because they all burned out in grad school.

The future looks bright.

Ugh. Anyways, the point is that learning about yourself isn't easy but it does present an opportunity for change.

So now I am going to be a hard-ass. Look out world!

That sounded weak to me too....

So now I am going to be a HARD-ASS! DAGNABIT!

Okay...so I am going to work on it. Or something.

This sucks.

Now, off to declare my Underwater Basket Weaving major. Wish me luck!

Time Is Passing

The semester is almost over, we only have about a month left. I am a bit stunned. This is not unusual, I often feel this way at the end of the semester. Surprised that I survived, mostly. How did I get here? Wasn't it just August?

Where does time go?

I suppose it doesn't really go anywhere because it isn't alive and therefore a verb can't be applied to the concept and secondly, it is a human invention so how can it leave us?

Time passes.

Quickly.

Oops, "passes" is a verb too. Whatever you get what I am saying. Right? Hello? Is there anybody out there? (tap tap) Is this thing on????

Where was I? Time was passing.

And what do we do with it? I do the wrong things. I do the things I should do instead of the things I want to do. But don't we all?

What makes up the shoulds of our lives? Cultural norms, familial expectations, job limitations, financial obligations?

What makes up the wants? Dreams, aspirations, selfishness, hunger, self-actualization?

I prefer the latter.

But will I change? I would like to think so. I would like to think that if I really felt I was wasting time I could re-evaluate my life and prioritize according to my goals. According to things that matter to me.

But I am human.

So maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll wish I did. Maybe I won't.

Do others feel this way? I am sure they do. As a psych major I am pretty sure that all feelings are relatable and very rarely are they unique.

What things do people out there do because they think they should? What do you want to do? What do you wish you had done? What do you still hope to do?

Overwhelmed.

I Can Relate. See You At The End Of May.

Dream On

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

~Gloria Steinem

Good Morning! Not!

I have a job that requires me to rise at 5:45 AM.

When I am home it makes me rise at 5:00 AM.

Those of you who know me know that I should have a gold metal around my neck for this Olympic feat.

I hate mornings.

I think I have mentioned that.

My mom used to have to wake me up on Christmas. Not kidding.

There might be something wrong with me.

I am pretty sure my brother still holds a grudge for that.

Today my friend Corynn told me I was "sunshine and bubbles".

She said this before 9 AM. Granted that would make it 6 PM Spain time, but I think it still counts.

Here is something shiny and bubbly for your morning:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA3OnIYW5u4

Love Begets Love

For my Psychology of the Family class my group and I had to choose a family to interview and then help them present their own story to the class as a whole. We chose an RLC on campus who happens to be gay. Her son, let's call him Ben, is 11 years old. During the interview we asked him what people don't understand about his family. He responded:

"The question shouldn't be what they don't understand, but rather why they don't understand it."

I could not love his answer more.

Our love is all the same.

Bucket List

What do you want to do before you die?

What do I want to do before I die?

I'm still working on it, but here's a rough draft.



Read the classics. Read the Bible. Read the paper. Read more. Read for me.

Figure out how I feel about God.

Learn how to ride and be comfortable around horses. Maybe even own one.

Live to see the day when this is legal. Everywhere.

Plant my tree garden, and surround myself with willow trees.

Build my dream house. Three words: Wrap Around Porch.

Pretty self explanatory.

And then have some of these. Lots of these.

Write a song, and learn how to sing without hurting those around me.

Learn how to ride a motorcycle. Ducati optional. ;)

Learn how to play the piano. It's been calling to me.

Spend some time living here. Not sure where exactly but you get the gist.

Touch the wall in Lucca, Italy. And speak Italian.

Eat french bread and cheese and grapes and wine while picnicking here. And learn French.

Be Taylor Swift. Or maybe just learn how to play the guitar.

Ect. Ect. Ect.

This list would never end. So I am ending it now. What do you want out of life?

Siblinghood and My Poor Brother

Oh dear. I have a sad, sad story to tell.

Actually it isn't sad at all, it is hilarious. But only because I am on this side of the story. And it very easily could have been the other way around.

The other day my mom came up to visit me and amidst our chatting my brother calls her.

Brother: Hey, I have a flat tire.

Mother: Okay, call AAA and they will come help you.

Brother: Okay. (Click)

[Author's note: Don't worry, it gets better.}

(Ring Ring says Christina's cell phone)

Christina: What a dork, he sent me a picture of it. He must be bored. (texting back) "Yep, it's flat. Either that or the carburetor."

Brother: ?

Christina: Lol!

Brother: I mean, I don't believe you but I don't know what the carburetor is. So what is it?

Christina: (evil plotting begins) It's the metal piece from the wheel to the steering wheel. Ask the guy to check it to make sure you don't break the spare tire.

Brother: ...lol...great.

Christina: Mom didn't think of it but Cody says to ask the guy, it's under the car, he'll need a jack.

Brother: Okay, so just say "Can you check the carburetor just to make sure?" Gotcha, I shall. This is lame.

Christina: (OMG, I can't believe he is buying this, since when do I know anything about cars??) Okay...better safe then sorry. Let us know what he says.

Brother: (pause while the AAA man arrives) By the way the guy says he is checking the caliper not the carburetor.

Christina: No, the carburetor connects to your steering, Cody rebuilt a car, he knows dummy!

Brother: Well, the guy says my car doesn't have one, so he says he will check the caliper.

Christina: Well, SHIT then you need a carburetor installed, they are soooo important.

Brother: He says my model of car doesn't have one, something about fuel injection or whatever.

Christina: Lies, all lies.

The End.

Lol! Oh my, oh my! My poor brother! Can you just imagine the look on the AAA man's face when he pulls up to my skinny white brother and he goes "Hello sir, I have a flat tire and could you also check the carburetor, just in case???"

(Fit of hysterics)

Oh geez! I can't believe he fell for it. I must have much more power in that relationship then I realized. I promptly called my grandparents and through fits of giggles explained the situation to them. My grandpa advised me that he really doesn't have a carburetor in his car (something I neither knew was possible, nor really cared about) and my grandma advised me that this was not a nice thing to do (which I also knew...and didn't care about). :) What a poor schmuck my brother is! What a gullible, innocent soul he has!

I called him later and explained the joke. He hung up on me. I laughed some more and called him over and over until he answered again. He forgave me and life goes on.

I hope it's still funny when my mom gets a bill in the mail for an "installed carburetor" on his car.

Siblinghood: It's not for the faint of heart.

PS: What is a carburetor?

Up

This weekend my brother came up to visit me, during his visit he convinced me to watch the movie Up. I was hesitant, I had heard that the film was wonderful but I had also been avoiding most of the recent Disney films, they just haven't been making them like they used to.


When did people decide that the motherless princess thing was used up? That Price Charming versus the most evil female villain alive was no longer interesting? Whoever made that executive decision obviously did not seek my opinion.

I miss Ariel.

Anyways, so there we are preparing for Up. Ten seconds in, I was hooked. I loved it.

I could really relate to the little old man in the film. He had a dream to go to South America with his wife and over time, they just got so caught up in daily life that they forgot about their dream.

I am super terrified that this will happen to me too. My new goal is to embrace my youth. I am still young and I still have a lot of opportunities in front of me. I've got no mortgage, no kids, no husband, no super important job and I should take advantage of it.


I want to make a bucket list of sorts and then do something really radical.


Actually do it.


Perhaps I will even post it here so that I will be forced to do it. Or at least be reminded of it.


What's on your bucket list? What things have you done? What things have you forgotten?


What things matter?

Scouting A Wedding Venue: A Hole In One

As you all know...Cody and I spent our day going golfing. And since I possess a creative mind and am always interested in saving a penny I found myself particularly inspired. I wonder what it would be like to get married here, I thought to myself. Instantly, a plan came together.




The Venue:



It is a perfect place to begin my married life. The "family fun" is baked right in. You can basically smell it. Or, ah, maybe that smell was coming from the algae in the pond. Anyway! Now I just need a place to say my vows. I instantly began exploring the venue for the perfect backdrop.



As I made my rounds I saw this little place. One could say it possessed a certain amount of charm. I appreciated the front porch and the chain could easily be removed with the Jaws of Life. The Christmas lights hanging from the second story could add a natural glow. It had potential. But at the same time I just couldn't shake the feeling...





...it sort of looks like those houses in the middle of nowhere where people are killed. Maybe it's the yellow. It just feels a little off putting. I should keep looking.

The next place we came across was just no good. It's style was confusing part Arabian, part brick, part pink, it just wasn't working for me. It also looked a bit like an alien head. Moving on...

Next up was a more ethnic building. It resembled a Spanish Mission almost. The architecture was lovely, simplistic, white. But it was sort of dirty, dingy almost. Plus, let's face it, with all the white in the background I am likely to look like a floating head in the photos. Definitely not. I hope they have something else...

Then I came across this joint. I loved the water features, they added a nice soothing sound to the whole place. Cool, clear, water. And then it hit me: must pee. Oh dear. I can't be doing the dance up there during my ceremony and I sure as hell can't wear a diaper! What a loss! I thought, sighing.

And then: I saw it: I saw it! And oh my was it lovely! I mean, it is just what every little girl dreams of: a castle! It even had a cute little moat going all the way around it. It was perfect!

Everyone was in awe of the structure, I think number 16 was even welling up at the thought of my wonderful day. It is really a venue which touches lives, the envy of all...

And would you look at this, a built in aisle...

Well, it's actually a pretty long aisle. I may need a map. But that is no problem, if I get lost I can just hop over some of the shrubbery. I'm like a gazelle.

And get this! After the ceremony we can hold the reception on site. Viking Pizza anyone? It's the food of champions! And they even have this nifty umbrella in case the weather is poor. It should cover all the guests. I actually submitted a request to keep this umbrella for my future home. I think it is both unique and practical, a true gem.

So basically it is all settled. Now all I need is a fiance. And I'll be honest, this all may seem a little redneck. But so is he...

He has actually said several times that he would like to ride in to his wedding on a tractor (Lord help me)...perhaps a lawn mower would work for this site? I was also thinking that I could walk in with a bouquet of mini pencils and as the newlyweds walk into the reception we could walk through an archway of clubs held up by the bridal party. But I am open to suggestions... anyone?

=)

Pee Wee Adventures

Today is Cody and I's last real day together before he goes on his trip, so we decided to go golfing.

Cody was in charge of keeping score. So he won. I am convinced it was a miscount but I promised him I would note that he won. So he "did". Sort of. Whatever.

Apparently he played Christ. Nice.

Let the games begin!

The course started with this lovely house. Why do all mini golf places have weird houses?

This was the worst of the worst. See that dumb hill? How is one expected to get it up that hill and not overshoot it? Dumb.

I love these lights. They are so bright and happy looking. I want to mini golf at night sometime to really appreciate their effect. It's on the agenda.

Check this out. Swing door again (why are mini golf courses always fraught with such peril), here's my ball, all lined up...can she do it?

Yes she can! Hole in one baby!!! =)

Cody takes his shot. Can he do it?

Sadly...he can't. See my ball over there on the green. That is where it is supposed to be. See Cody's yellow ball on the blue. That would be wrong. HA!

Why do mini golf places always have water features? Don't they know things like this are going to happen? Not very smart.

Check out this next hole. Obviously the best shot is noted.

Check out Cody's ball, missing the best shot.

Check out Cody retrieving his ball from the wilderness. Nice shot, Cody.

Don't let him fool you though. He definitely recovered from it...

He actually ended up getting two holes in one.

See how happy they made him. I hop up and down and scream when I even get close and I had to force him to smile for this. Weirdo.

Suddenly though, my concentration was broken. See this little girl? She was in serious danger of being kidnapped. Serious.

As we watched her wield her putter, which was basically the same size as she was, she seemed to be having trouble. She approached this castle and tried to make the shot. It took several tries and eventually, she gave up...

Then she stomped on over to the chain, crawled underneath it and threw the ball with all her might at the castle. She made it right in the trap door. I was very proud.

Eventually her dad caught up to her and taught her how to swing properly. I personally like her style better though.